I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
