I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
