She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize