you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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