Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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