I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
