so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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