he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So many bounce houses so little time
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
