He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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