508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
