I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
