So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
