She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
