No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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