As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
