did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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