I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
