"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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