how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
