I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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