I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
