How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
