he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
