You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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