being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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