I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
