my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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