Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
pray to the hookup gods
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
