i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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