just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
