From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
