Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just google imaged poop.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
