If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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