and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
