I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
