I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
