So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
