i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
