He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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