You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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