hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
