and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
