Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
