they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
