im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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