I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
