somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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