Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My cat gives me a boner
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
