All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I cannot find my penis.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
