I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
