So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
