if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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