you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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