Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
