Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
