Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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