Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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