Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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