Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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