Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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