I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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