great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
