those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize