Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
