So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
