i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
