I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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