Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
