Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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