Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
