....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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