The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
