My nipple is on Facebook.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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