MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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