Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
