Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
this just has baby written all over it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
