my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
