Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
