Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize