I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
