good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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