remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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