this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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