Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
