why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
