don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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