"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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