Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize