You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can I color on your dick again?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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