dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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