he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you had me at cake vodka
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize