I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
