your parents love me but you hate me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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