if you like me you must not know who I am
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize