We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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