I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm getting married
To pizza
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
