the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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