Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
