he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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